The local school had a fete so we thought we would go to have a look… my friend and I headed off on a familiar ‘path of hunt for a bargain’. We have been doing this for nearly 15 years… garage sales, second hand stores and fetes. It’s our thing.

We met when our kids were teens, of course they are all grown up now and have kids of their own, and we are still friends. We have very little in common which is so funny as we are such good friends. We do like to hunt though and we care what happens to each other so I guess this is all it takes, well I know it is all it takes to be best friends.

Over the years we go through stages of who we have as friends, our lives change and friends move on. I have no problem with friends moving on if it makes them happy but I do not like it when they feel guilty about the friendship fading out and make it a ‘fight’ or disagreement that causes it, or pretend to still be great friends when it clearly isn’t the case. Why cant they just move on.

I had a good friendship I thought with one lady. She became jealous when I remarried (she was my matron of honour) and got shirty when I retired. My life was changing and hers wasn’t I guess.  I moved house a couple of suburbs from her and she wasn’t happy. I text and invited her to come for coffee etc… (She worked so it had to be at her convenience) but she never responded. After a few months I gave up accepting the inevitability of the whole thing.

We use to run into her at the local mall and we would have coffee and listen to her exciting adventures. I was happy she was travelling to see her son overseas. She would always end by saying ‘we must get together again for coffee’. One day I was on the way home from the DRs and we ran into her (chemist pit stop). I was ill and not up to a chat, hadn’t actually seen her until she forced her face right up to mine to say hello. She made a big thing of being chatty and friendly and said the obligatory ‘we must get together’, I closed my eyes turned to her and said ‘no I don’t think so’. She was shocked and demanded to know why. I calmly told her we both knew it was never going to happen so why pretend (this was two years after I had moved and she had stopped being a friend)… I have not seen her again. Being friendly and nice to people is one thing, pretending to be this great friend to make you look good or feel good about yourself, in front of people is another… I call it lying and a waste of time… Lying to yourself and others will not make your life any better. We had been through so much. I had cared for her home, her animals and her kids whilst her mother died and I guess my presence reminded her of this… maybe I got boring, maybe I changed, maybe I am a b17ch, who knows…. I am thinking its more the later than any other reason…

I find relationships difficult when people pretend friendship. I prefer the truth, it is so much easier to deal with in a busy world.

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